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My Struggle
My whole life seems to be filled with unnessasary
drama. Ever since I was little my moms solution
was violence and I was an exellent "tool" on which
she could relieve herself on. If she wasnt
"punishing" me by hitting me she was locking me in
my room for hours on end. She loves absolute
control over me and she loves making me feel as
low and dirty as possable. All I ever hear from
her is that I'm stupid or ugly or how our family
would be so happy with out me making everyone
fight and I'm just plain not good enough. And
whats worse is she puts these thoughts of that I'm
evil into my little 10 year old brother.
Now I have a hard time remembering how
old I was because after I was put into home
schooling I havent been able to remember how old I
was around that time. So I'll say aroung that age
of 12 my father began to sexually abuse me untill
it turned into something much worse. I'v never
really told anyone and I still live with both of
my parents.
Well under all that
emotional stress I began to do something very very
stupid. I began to cut myself on a regular bases.
I have also tried to kill myself. This last summer
(age 16) after having to hear my mothers bashing I
cut myself WAY to deep, slicing my arm open.
Scared I ran to my parents room. While my moms
first reaction was to hit me while I sat on the
floor my dad helped me up and helped me wash it.
My mom took me to the hospital and the whole time
kept telling me how they were going to take me
away and how I was stupid and I was looking for
attention.
When I Realized I Needed to Rally!
I was tired of being weak and afraid. I want to be
the kind of person who, no matter whats thrown at
me I will still be strong. I do have my moments. I
wont lie I'm an emotional basket case.
What Worked For Me
I'm trying to change and really just talking to
people who know what its like helps sooo much. And
sometimes you just have to find little things in
life that make it worth it.
The Progress I've made
I havent cut since last October which is pretty
good but its a baby step and I have a long way to
go and its going to be hard but its an adventure
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